Disjointed Life
by Welcome2MyWorldxoxo
Summary: Death is easy...peaceful. Life...is so much harder. The lines between living and dying are slim at best, what happens when you step on that line? Which do you choose when you feel you have lost everything.


**Summer's Most Romantic or Tragic Hour Challenge"**

**Summary: ****Death is easy...peaceful. Life...is so much harder. The lines between  
living and dying are slim at best, what happens when you step on that line?  
Which do you choose when you feel you have lost everything.  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own, SM does**

**Rating:M**

**Warning: contains suicide**

**Word Count:**

_**Death is easy...peaceful. Life...is so much harder.**_

*Flash*

Vodka...Anti-depressants...Vodka...Anti-depressants...Vodka...Anti-depressants...  
Just one more mouthful and three more pills...

*Flash*

"For the second time in the last six months Edward Mason- famous lead singer and giutarist of Red Anthony- aged twenty four has been taken to hospital. After the death of his two best friends and his parents in a car crash, which he miracuously survived, it was said that he suffered from severe depression. It has not been confirmed yet, but sources seems to say that this was a suicide attempt...

*Flash*

"Due to my lapse in judgement and my severe depression, I have to come to the decision to take a year off and am cancelling my upcoming tour. All tickets will be refunded. I am sorry that it came to this and I know that there a lot of people out there who are dissapointed, not only in me, but in my decisions. I apologise to all my fans out there and I hope you will stick by me through this hard time. I need your understanding and support and know that I will be back. Thank you."

*Flash*

I want to claw my skin off, to make myself suffer, like I should be suffering. My fingers rake over my skin, my nails dig into it, pulling, tugging...

"Stop!" The quiet plea from her lips reach my ears.

"No."

"Please." She begs, her eyes filling with unshed tears.

"Why?" I question.

"For me."

"For you?" Confusion mars my face.

_"For me."_

*Flash*

"How do you do it?"  
"Do what?"  
"Survive."  
"I think about all those people out there that depend on me. I can't just think about myself anymore. Other's need me and by thinking of them, I too need me...

*Flash*

"To live and not breathe is to die in tradgedy..."

*Flash*

I sit alone

It's dark and it's cold here, but I don't get up and leave. Instead I stare up at the sky searching blindly for stars. There's nothing, no sign of light anywhere nearby. Not twinkle, not even a satalite. Nothing, jus black emptiness that threatens to consume me, to suffercate me, to bury me, to kill me...

*Flash*

"Edward!" The shrieks and screams break through the water and flood my ears as the photographers try and rob me of what little eye sight I have left. I feel like just giving all of them the finger and going, "Fuck you!" I'm no better than I was twelve months ago, infact if anything I'm worse. But I smile half-heartedly, one corner of my mouth lifting higher than the other and pause every so often so they can take my picture. I ignore all the questions being thrown left and right at me.

"Did you enjoy your trip?  
"Whos' the lovely lady on your arm?"  
"Will you be touring this year?"  
"How does it feel to be back?"

I feel like I'm drowning, my chest constricts, and I can't breathe. I close my eyes, thankful that I an wearing avitors today. I don't want to speak, I don't want to think, and I definately don't want to be here. My fingers start to shake and I clench them, digging my nails into my palms. My smile stays fixed on my face as I keep moving. I can see the doors getting closer and closer. My salvation is just beyond them...

*Flash*

The numbness that encases my face as the stinging of the cold water subsides makes me sigh. I stare at my reflection. I don't get how everyone thinks I am happy, but then again they can't see my eyes. I keep them hidden. If they saw the emptiness, the void of emotion reflected in them, they would know everything. Only _she_ knows...

*Flash*

Brown hair. Brown eyes. Soft, pink, swollen lips.  
"Tell me." She whispers. Our legs are entwined and her fingers deftly trace every scar, mark, and blemish on my chest, while mine stroke her hair.  
"What do you want to know?" I whisper back.  
Her brown eyes are filled with soul and are begging me to answer.  
"Everything."  
Our lips touch and I close my eyes sinking into that balck hole that I lived in for so long...and this time I take her with me.

*Flash*

"Why live? Why breathe? Why not just say "Fuck the world" and end it all? Give me one good reason why and I might try living."

*Flash*

The knife sits next to me, glinting and taunting me, asking me pick it up and press it to my skin. Just a little more, a little bit harder...

*Flash*

There's blood this time. It's on my fingers, in my hair, smeared all over my face, seeping out of my viens and onto the carpet.

Questions keep racing through my head, none of them leading me to the right choice...

Live or die...  
Sink or swin...  
Love or hate...  
Kill or create...

Time is running out and I know that I can let go and this can all be over. I can go to a place where I will never have to feel again and maybe finally be at peace...  
Or I can pull my dick out of the dirt and try to get back on my feet.

*Flash*

I feel her shift in my lap, her legs wrapping around me tighter, every inch of our bodies touching.  
Brown eyes. Brown hair. Soft, pouty lips.  
"Stay with me." She whispers.  
I close my eyes and smile slightly before pressing my lips to hers.  
"Forever." I whisper.

*Flash*

Black...red...white...black...red...white...

Screaming...begging..shouting...crying...

*Flash*

Beep...beep...beep...beep...be-beep...beeeep...beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep...

*Flash*

Save me.  
Help me.  
Love me.  
Make me live...

...Beep...beep...beep...  
*Flash*

**AN: The whole thing is kind of mixed up. You can either just read it as it is or mix it up to find the best way to fit all the pieces together. Anyway Review!**


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